Paxton’s birth

Paxton Ford Mills — born April 16 {Easter Sunday} at 5:33pm weighing 7lbs 10oz and 20.5 inches long. His birth went pretty much exactly how I wanted it to go, but it also stretched me and grew me in ways I didn’t expect.

Here’s a not-so-short recap of sweet Paxton’s birthday…
I woke up around 6:00am with a dull, but constant pain in my back + contractions. The contractions had been around for weeks, but the back pain was new. After about 20 or so minutes of trying, unsuccessfully, to fall back asleep, I finally just got up. I cleaned my closet, curled my hair, and put on my makeup… all before 7:30. It was Easter Sunday so I figured if it wasn’t labor I’d be ready for church, and if it was I’d at least look put together when I went to the hospital. I had contractions the whole time, but was still not convinced it was anything more than just braxton hicks. Everyone was still sleeping so I decided to try walking the neighborhood to see if that made things pick up at all. This was one of my favorite parts of the whole day. I prayed and walked and for the first time in a while I simply stopped questioning the “what would happen ifs….” I just reflected on Easter and the sacrifice Jesus made so that i could be forgiven and loved. I listened to two songs my whole walk. “Forgiven” by Crowder and “Clean” by  Natalie Grant. It was just such a sweet time. I had texted Justin to let him know where I was and I was met by him and all the boys on the golf cart as I was walking back. A quick ride around the neighborhood (still having contractions) followed by a tearful conversation with my parents and we decided not to go to church — to just hang at home and wait things out to see if it really was the real deal. I feel like this is when my anxiety about the delivery really came crashing down. I was so nervous about silly things. Like getting sent home if I wasn’t really in labor. Or the doctor being annoyed over my false alarm.. It’s like I was using those excuses to cover the fear I was really feeling. I had a c section with Bear, so my plan was to VBAC. And although my doctors had been very positive and encouraging about me doing it the entire pregnancy, I was just plain scared. I was scared of what I didn’t know. I was scared of what I did know. I prayed for peace beyond my own understanding. That was one of the reasons we picked the name Paxton. It means peace and settlement — I loved that meaning for this boy, his life and role in our family as the 4th boy, and his pregnancy. Ok, so back to the day. My contractions weren’t letting up, and my back was still hurting so we decided that even if I did get sent home we would go and get checked out! It wasn’t urgent, but we set it up with Justin’s mom to come get the boys after church, and then we’d head to the hospital. Justin had some loose ends at work that he needed to take care of (a baby mid baseball season was not our best timing 😬), I needed to finish packing my bag and I wanted to clean up a little around the house. We finally got to the hospital around 2:00 and it kinda felt like letting out a deep breath I didn’t realize I had been holding in… We got into a room and I felt sorta like the nurses didn’t believe that I was in labor. I was having consistent contractions, but they weren’t painful enough yet to even make me stop while they were asking me all the initial questions to get me admitted. I was just sort of uncomfortable. It wasn’t until they checked me and realized I was 5-6cm that they finally seemed to take me more seriously. Ha! They called the doctor and he came and broke my water around 2:30. My parents arrived at the hospital around that time and we just kind of hung out and waited for things to start getting more intense.  Around 4:30 I was getting more uncomfortable, but everything was still bearable. The contractions were still about 4 minutes apart at that point, so I had a good break between each one. I felt like my body was working and things were progressing though so I asked if they would check me. The nurse did and I was SO discouraged that I was only at 7cm. Two hours, and I was progressively getting more uncomfortable but I had only dilated 1cm. I cried to my mom and prayed that it would go faster from there, and it did! Contractions started coming a lot faster, lasting longer, and hurting more. I had told my parents I wanted it to be just me and Justin when it was time to push, and I think a little after 5:00 is when my dad decided to step out. Honestly I’m not sure when my mom left… There were about 4-5 contractions before I felt any urge to push where I felt like I lost control. The pain was unbearable at that point and that’s when I knew I had to be close. The nurse checked me again and said I was complete and it was time to push! The next 15 minutes felt frantic to me. There was a lot of hustle and bustle in the room and I just felt like I wanted to run away from the pain. With every contraction I was telling myself to relax and it was getting harder every second! Everything was finally in place and it was time to push. Pushing was the thing I was most scared about before having Paxton, and in my opinion it was the hardest part. It was productive pain which was good in a way, but also, it hurt like nothing I can even describe. It just felt so frantic because the pain was so intense. Ultimately, though, I’m so glad I did it and got to experience natural labor. I’ve now experienced labor 3 different ways… With an epidural (one super strong, and one just right) a c section, and natural… pretty cool! Paxton came super fast and was born at 5:33. Looking back at the family group text I started pushing around 5:27, so it was only about 2-3 contractions and he was born! He came out screaming and pink and so perfect! I couldn’t believe I did it and was just SO thankful for God’s protection throughout the pregnancy, labor and delivery. Paxton has been such a sweet addition to our family and his brothers, dad and I couldn’t adore him more 😍 I can’t wait to see how this little boy changes our family… He’s already taught me a lot in his short little life. Here are some pictures from the day he was born + some of my favorites of him with his older brothers 💙 

Oh yeah! Also, thanks to my hilariously witty husband, he had an easter baby hashtag competition going in the family texts. I cant find the texts anymore so here are the few that I remember.. #thewombisempty #heoncewaslostbutnowhescrowned, #heisdeliveredindeed #risenfromthewomb

Such a good day! Thank you, Jesus, for Paxton and your protection ❤️

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