Paxton’s birth

Paxton Ford Mills — born April 16 {Easter Sunday} at 5:33pm weighing 7lbs 10oz and 20.5 inches long. His birth went pretty much exactly how I wanted it to go, but it also stretched me and grew me in ways I didn’t expect.

Here’s a not-so-short recap of sweet Paxton’s birthday…
I woke up around 6:00am with a dull, but constant pain in my back + contractions. The contractions had been around for weeks, but the back pain was new. After about 20 or so minutes of trying, unsuccessfully, to fall back asleep, I finally just got up. I cleaned my closet, curled my hair, and put on my makeup… all before 7:30. It was Easter Sunday so I figured if it wasn’t labor I’d be ready for church, and if it was I’d at least look put together when I went to the hospital. I had contractions the whole time, but was still not convinced it was anything more than just braxton hicks. Everyone was still sleeping so I decided to try walking the neighborhood to see if that made things pick up at all. This was one of my favorite parts of the whole day. I prayed and walked and for the first time in a while I simply stopped questioning the “what would happen ifs….” I just reflected on Easter and the sacrifice Jesus made so that i could be forgiven and loved. I listened to two songs my whole walk. “Forgiven” by Crowder and “Clean” by  Natalie Grant. It was just such a sweet time. I had texted Justin to let him know where I was and I was met by him and all the boys on the golf cart as I was walking back. A quick ride around the neighborhood (still having contractions) followed by a tearful conversation with my parents and we decided not to go to church — to just hang at home and wait things out to see if it really was the real deal. I feel like this is when my anxiety about the delivery really came crashing down. I was so nervous about silly things. Like getting sent home if I wasn’t really in labor. Or the doctor being annoyed over my false alarm.. It’s like I was using those excuses to cover the fear I was really feeling. I had a c section with Bear, so my plan was to VBAC. And although my doctors had been very positive and encouraging about me doing it the entire pregnancy, I was just plain scared. I was scared of what I didn’t know. I was scared of what I did know. I prayed for peace beyond my own understanding. That was one of the reasons we picked the name Paxton. It means peace and settlement — I loved that meaning for this boy, his life and role in our family as the 4th boy, and his pregnancy. Ok, so back to the day. My contractions weren’t letting up, and my back was still hurting so we decided that even if I did get sent home we would go and get checked out! It wasn’t urgent, but we set it up with Justin’s mom to come get the boys after church, and then we’d head to the hospital. Justin had some loose ends at work that he needed to take care of (a baby mid baseball season was not our best timing 😬), I needed to finish packing my bag and I wanted to clean up a little around the house. We finally got to the hospital around 2:00 and it kinda felt like letting out a deep breath I didn’t realize I had been holding in… We got into a room and I felt sorta like the nurses didn’t believe that I was in labor. I was having consistent contractions, but they weren’t painful enough yet to even make me stop while they were asking me all the initial questions to get me admitted. I was just sort of uncomfortable. It wasn’t until they checked me and realized I was 5-6cm that they finally seemed to take me more seriously. Ha! They called the doctor and he came and broke my water around 2:30. My parents arrived at the hospital around that time and we just kind of hung out and waited for things to start getting more intense.  Around 4:30 I was getting more uncomfortable, but everything was still bearable. The contractions were still about 4 minutes apart at that point, so I had a good break between each one. I felt like my body was working and things were progressing though so I asked if they would check me. The nurse did and I was SO discouraged that I was only at 7cm. Two hours, and I was progressively getting more uncomfortable but I had only dilated 1cm. I cried to my mom and prayed that it would go faster from there, and it did! Contractions started coming a lot faster, lasting longer, and hurting more. I had told my parents I wanted it to be just me and Justin when it was time to push, and I think a little after 5:00 is when my dad decided to step out. Honestly I’m not sure when my mom left… There were about 4-5 contractions before I felt any urge to push where I felt like I lost control. The pain was unbearable at that point and that’s when I knew I had to be close. The nurse checked me again and said I was complete and it was time to push! The next 15 minutes felt frantic to me. There was a lot of hustle and bustle in the room and I just felt like I wanted to run away from the pain. With every contraction I was telling myself to relax and it was getting harder every second! Everything was finally in place and it was time to push. Pushing was the thing I was most scared about before having Paxton, and in my opinion it was the hardest part. It was productive pain which was good in a way, but also, it hurt like nothing I can even describe. It just felt so frantic because the pain was so intense. Ultimately, though, I’m so glad I did it and got to experience natural labor. I’ve now experienced labor 3 different ways… With an epidural (one super strong, and one just right) a c section, and natural… pretty cool! Paxton came super fast and was born at 5:33. Looking back at the family group text I started pushing around 5:27, so it was only about 2-3 contractions and he was born! He came out screaming and pink and so perfect! I couldn’t believe I did it and was just SO thankful for God’s protection throughout the pregnancy, labor and delivery. Paxton has been such a sweet addition to our family and his brothers, dad and I couldn’t adore him more 😍 I can’t wait to see how this little boy changes our family… He’s already taught me a lot in his short little life. Here are some pictures from the day he was born + some of my favorites of him with his older brothers 💙 

Oh yeah! Also, thanks to my hilariously witty husband, he had an easter baby hashtag competition going in the family texts. I cant find the texts anymore so here are the few that I remember.. #thewombisempty #heoncewaslostbutnowhescrowned, #heisdeliveredindeed #risenfromthewomb

Such a good day! Thank you, Jesus, for Paxton and your protection ❤️


Big brothers 

Paxton’s been home for a little over 2 weeks now and the boys have done SO well. They all love him and have been really helpful with getting diapers and making sure he always has his lovey and passie, especially Bear ☺️ 

Bear tells me every time he makes a noise, “uh oh, baby crying mama!”. He also likes to touch his face really gently and says “it’s ok baby” if he’s fussing at all. 

Hatcher points to him and asks me almost daily, “is that Paxton?”. I think now he knows it’s funny, because it is and I love it. 

Maddox has been super sweet too. He loves holding him and actually does a really great job! He loves laying down and letting him sleep on his chest and watching it makes me feel like my heart could explode! He also really considers him. For example, he’s playing baseball this year and at one of his first practices he hit a ball straight back at the coach and it hit him in the shoulder… so on the way to practice the other night he said, “mom what if I hit the ball really good again tonight (confidence is not really an issue 😂) and it hits Paxton?!” I loved that he was thinking about him and thought it was really sweet! 

Here are some photos of the boys holding him 💙


He’s here! 

Paxton Ford is here! He was born, Easter Sunday, April 16 and the delivery was really smooth 🙌🏻  He weighed 7lbs 10oz and was 20.5 inches long.  I want to do a separate post recapping his birth story, but I am soo thankful for the Lord’s protection for me and Paxton through the whole thing! We are all loving having a new little one around.. he’s the sweetest 😍 


Waco!

So, unless you’ve been living under a rock the last few years, you know Chip and Joanna Gaines and their empire in Waco, Texas, the Silos. As I was brainstorming what I wanted to do for my 30th birthday I saw an instagram post for an event called the “Silobration” they were putting on in October. I had originally wanted to go on a tropical beach getaway with Justin — kinda like re live our honeymoon… But then I got pregnant and a babymoon just didn’t sound as fun as a second honeymoon. Plus Justin was in the middle of football season so anything we would have done would have been super rushed. One day, when we don’t have a nursing child and I am not pregnant we will take that vacation…. Maybe my 32nd birthday?? Ha ha! So I called one of my best friends, she was totally on board and had another friend who she knew would want to go too! Honestly leading up to it, I kind of didn’t think it was actually happening. I had never really done anything like that before, and especially not since I became a mom. It was by far the longest I had been away from my kids. After I completely fell apart in the car driving to the airport, I pulled myself back together and off we went! It was seriously SUCH a good time! The event was awesome. There was a huge vendor fair for two days with some incredibly talented vendors. I only brought a carry on which was mainly torture, but also kind of a good thing because I wanted to buy everything!!! They also had a Johnny Swim concert one night on the grounds that was a really good show, not to mention Chip and Joanna were there. Super cool! I had an awesome time with Ashtyn and Ansley and so enjoyed some girl time :) I left relaxed, inspired and rested.. it was so much fun! Here are some photos from the trip!

IMG_7193Ash and I randomly got seated next to each other on the plane, in an exit row… Amazing!IMG_7189So much leg room!IMG_7201Rental Car! A first for all of us.IMG_7200IMG_7209So yummy!IMG_7219IMG_7223IMG_7281Johnny Swim, Chip & Jo!IMG_7286IMG_7322IMG_7294IMG_7304We drove over to Austin for an afternoon too! Such a cool city. Baby boy was just a tiny little bump then!

Such an awesome trip that I would totally do again if I got the chance.


well, hello there!

Hi! I haven’t posted in forever, but without internet its kind of a pain.. and finally after living at this house for FOUR years, we joined everyone else in 2017 and got wifi!!!! Halleluiah!! Annnd now I have no excuses… I really want to try and start documenting our life better on here… We’ll see how that goes! ha. The last time I wrote I wasn’t very far along in my pregnancy. Since then we have found out the baby is a boy and we are so excited! Honestly though, it did take me a few weeks. Don’t get me wrong. I was SO thankful to hear that the baby was healthy, and the 4 boy dynamic is actually something I’m super excited about. BUT, like I’ve said before, Justin and I are planning for this to be our last baby and I would have loved to experience having both boys and girls. When I really processed and evaluated my feelings though, it wasn’t that I was so sad I was having another boy, it was more just letting go of ever having a girl. I also wrestled with some insecurities wondering why God chose me for only boys, and had to combat the lie, “Im not good enough to be a girl mom”. Ultimately though, like I said, we are so thankful and excited for baby boy number 4 :)

The boys were really excited too! Maddox had actually really wanted it to be a girl and I was afraid he would be kind of disappointed. We stopped by Walmart on the way home from my appointment though and bought a bunch blue balloons and other fun blue treats which had them all excited! He said the next day, “Ya know mom, I’m really glad its a boy, because if it were a girl we’d have pink stuff everywhere and I like blue a lot better than pink.” Ha ha!

Pregnancy wise, this has been my hardest one! I was pretty nauseas, had a lot of headaches and was SO tired the first trimester. Then the second trimester came and went and I just kept waiting to feel better. Before I felt like I was out of the woods though, I was in the third trimester. Ha! Ive definitely had good days, and better than a lot of girls I hear about, but the back pain, heartburn, and general discomfort has definitely just worn on me more this time! I am now about one month out and am ready and so excited to meet this little boy! Here are some pics of my growing bump..

IMG_1047IMG_0969IMG_2233Feeling kicks!IMG_3725IMG_3825IMG_3839IMG_398933 weeksIMG_4074

Lets see.. What else has gone on.. The kids are awesome! Maddox turned five. He is in Pre-K and loves it! He has learned a good bit and LOVES his teacher! I hope he continues enjoying school. He’s also playing baseball for the first time this spring and although its not the best timing because of the baby, we are really excited about it!IMG_3867IMG_1479Hatcher is hilarious. He didn’t have much to say until he was about 2 and a half, but he is making up for it now. He is sometimes still pretty hard to understand, but his little expressions and voice are the cutest! I wish I could bottle it up. He is the most serious of all of our kids, but he loves his mama and is actually a sweet kid when he wants to be :) IMG_2445IMG_3043Bear is a little over 18 months now and his personality is seriously awesome! He is talking a ton and saying new words every day! He loves people and is so friendly with everyone. He is the first one of our kids to be like that. Maddox is just shy (until he gets comfortable, then he is off the chaiN!!!), Hatcher is straight up rude to most people. Haha! But Bear, he will go to anyone, tells everyone hey, gives high fives all around.. Its really sweet. He already thinks he is one of the older boys and wants to hang with them so bad! I just love seeing them become little people!IMG_3516IMG_4227I am excited about adding another brother to this crew and SO curious about how it will shake things up! IMG_3483

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Hopefully I’ll be back sooner than later!


Baby number four: thoughts, feelings, & my pregnancy so far… 

So I “announced” it on social media last week, but we’re expecting baby number four!! I am so excited and so thankful for another sweet baby to join our crew! 

After I had Bear I said I wanted to wait until he was about 2 to get pregnant again. The transition to 3 kids was my hardest yet, and I just kind of wanted a break from pregnancy and/or breastfeeding! I did the math… Bear weaned in June making this the first summer I wasn’t pregnant or breastfeeding in 5 years!! But after some thought, prayer, and baby fever that struck both of us we decided to go for number 4. Maddox praying every night for a baby girl didn’t help my baby fever either 😍 Our plan is that this will be our last… But like I said above, we also planned on waiting another year before getting pregnant again 😜 Ultimately we’re taking things one kid at a time and following God’s lead for our family. To answer the question on everyone’s minds, yes we’re finding out the gender, yes we would love a girl, and yes we trust God with whatever he gives us! I would defintely be lying if I said I didn’t want a daughter… I would love to experience parenting both sons and daughters. However, I do trust in God’s plan for our family and know that His plans are greater than mine. All that to say we find out in a few more weeks what we’re having! 

I am 14 weeks and although I’m overall feeling better, I don’t feel like I’m completely out of the first trimester woods yet! I still have some pretty nauseas moments and am still really tired… I’m ready for some energy to return!! We are so thankful and excited though about the newest addition to our family! Can’t wait to meet you little one! Here are a few photos of the pregnancy thus far.. ​​ ​


Potty training 

Hatcher is potty trained!!!! After over a year, we now only have ONE kid in diapers 🙌🏻  He actually has had it for a few months now, but I’m just getting around to documenting it. He is so different than Maddox I was honesty a little nervous about training him. Maddox  was super easy… A few days at home in underwear and he completely had it. Hatcher did take a little longer, but overall was really easy too! We had to take a break after a few days due to a stomach bug, but after the weekend back in diapers he was back in underwear Monday morning. That Monday was his worst day… I think it had more to do with  my expectations though.. He had already had 2 days in underwear and was making some progress so I kind of assumed he would pick back up where he left off.. He didn’t, but after a few accidents that day he was back on track and he’s only had an accident or two since then! I am so proud of Hatcher and also can’t really believe I have two kids old enough to use a toilet!!!